In the darkest corners and rooms in my mind i find the emptiness that seems to be in all of my thoughts. Going from loving my children to hating myself and who i am and what i should be for them eats me alive and im not sure if i will make it til they are 18. That number is my goal to live for them. Im not living for myself but for my girls. I know i will take my own life i just havent decided exactly how yet but i guess i have plenty of time to narrow down my options.